Ah no, it’s one of these, as it ends Newcastle 0 Everton 1.

Just days after a demoralising defeat against an opponent we could well do without, they turn up again.

Ooo and it’s been moved by the TV to a slot that we never win in, brilliant.

This was particularly unhelpful when it came to the scheduling of The Mag Pod, as getting it means an unusual Tuesday record and subsequent release which completely throws the schedule out of kilter.

WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE PODCASTERS??!!!

Anyway, here’s a thought – there’s actually less than a one in ten chance that you get one of these double headers after a cup tie. The latter rounds are full of Premier League teams and, given that your cup-tie will have a league match either side, there’s a two in nineteen chance of it being the same faces you had a miserable time against in your underwhelming midweek exit. We could maybe call being away from home first a mild advantage, as theoretically any strengths displayed by Everton in their win can be worked on ahead of the opportunity to disappoint almost 50,000 people as opposed to a hard travelling near 8k.

This was needed as Everton have been a dreadful opponent for us over the past couple of decades. Yes we have worse records but they tend to be against dominant teams whereas struggling versions of the blue scousers seem to have become an Achilles heel for us. Going into Monday’s game (in the bin please Monday Night Football) it had been four years since a fine Miguel Almiron goal saw off the Ev at SJP. We went into this looking to course correct after two dispiriting and damaging defeats in the last two matches here, and confidence wasn’t at its highest against an opponent without an away win all season, or any sort of PL win since mid-September.

This lack of confidence was not misplaced as it transpired.

I’m affected here by deadlines. To get a report done in timely enough fashion before then getting up and talking about it on Radio 5 in the morning then combing over it again in The Mag Pod is a lot of dwelling on a game I’d rather have erased from my memory in the style of Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This may be affecting my reactionary mood when I say that was one of the worst performances I’ve seen at St James’ Park in years.

For all then dissection and misery-riven reflection that will be in abundance across NUFC media in the days ahead, the most telling moment of this evening for me was at the half-time whistle, when a cowed and muted crowd reacted with boos and mutterings despite the fact that the scores were level and Everton didn’t look particularly dominant. Newcastle were alarmingly bad and tonight was critical as United 2.0 crossed the line from which managers struggle to recover. They lost the crowd.

The first half was a shambles. The tactics seem to be a deep lying non-striker supported by a hard working but ultimately fruitless midfield, with desperate passes regularly finding blue shirts and aimless long balls landing several metres ahead of the retreated Osula, easily dealt with by Everton’s well-drilled defence. Harvey Barnes had a couple of swirling cross-shots that drifted past the far post early on but United returned their usual zero shots on target. The Ev threatened late in the half as Barry made a terrible hash of a shot when well placed in front of goal, then Armstrong fluffed his lines similarly with a wayward shot from inside the box. Signs were there though, as every visiting counter attack looked threatening while United’s pedestrian build up play and shocking passing saw our attacks look more threatening as possible counters for the opposition.

There were lingering hopes of a Palace-style second half revival but any thoughts of this were snuffed out when Everton scored a goal that was always likely to be critical in a match that had a 1-0 vibe from the early stages.

There were issues with the goal. The ref apparently allowing play to go on before dragging it back when Barry made a tremendous meal of a challenge, then a lengthy injury to Schar and the threat of VAR giving an offside reprieve amid protestations aplenty from the Newcastle players. It was not to be though, and everyone needs to have a serious look at themselves. The free kick was taken quickly and the napping defence allowed George to walk into the box unchallenged. His shot was straight at Hornicek but he joined the calamity club by flapping and letting the shot squirm through him. He’d done enough to stop the original effort going in but presented Barry with a tap in.

The rest of the half felt like a sentence. You knew we were not going to equalise, much less turn the result around in the ample time that remainder and more of the same dreary, tactically-bereft meanderings masqueraded as attack for United. The substitutions also have an air of desperate punts, as opposed to deliberate tweaks. The five people introduced seemed to constantly be moving position with each new introduction and the most damning indictment of the performance was that Baz Toure, introduced on 87 minutes, was a contender for United’s player of the match with a series of excellent crosses creating late mayhem.

The returning Elanga came the closest to an equaliser, smashing a shot that Pickford stopped, but allowed to squirm past and get so close to crossing the line that some half-celebrations were heard. At the other end Hornicek did better to bat away Branthwaite’s header, before a late turn up for the books. Wissa came off the bench and registered our first shot on target when firing tamely at Pickford on 85 minutes. He even repeated the trick with a slightly better effort which Pickford choose to boot away when it looked like he could have held again.

The rain was sheeting down as eight minutes of injury time were endured, with the only moment of note being Jacob Ramsey getting two yellow cards in two minutes to put a cherry on the top of it all.

I left the ground extremely worried. The stat of three consecutive home defeats to Everton is an embarrassment but the manner of this loss has real alarm bells ringing. Everton are not great, but they are organised and do the basics well, proper Moyes stuff. This is a game plan that’s always going to work against this incarnation of Newcastle, as failure to convert possession is complemented by a horrible habit of giving away goals. Sides less organised than the Toffees will have similar joy if they have decent counter attacking threat, as Dedic and Hall are regularly caught forward while the midfield tries to cover far too much space between two of them (no clue where Willock was meant to be here, at one point he was treading on Osula’s toes).

This may be reactionary in the moment but this season looks worryingly like a relegation fight and the crowd knew it tonight. I’m debating here whether Eddie Howe ever lost the crowd in the ground, but if he did, it took that poor derby defeat to undo him. Jaissle has unfortunately hit that wall worryingly soon and this crowd ain’t daft (except for when it comes to following instructions for a minute’s silence for Remembrance Day).

It feels like our best hopes at the moment are mugging teams in even greater states of disarray by snatching the breakthrough moment in battles of fragile confidence. Fulham are an ideal opponent in that sense and as a result, the manager faces a massive game at the weekend. The fixtures after the international break are not kind at all and if the alarm bells aren’t ringing quite yet, they could well be drowning out the Christmas bells as they grow more deafening.

A bad bad night in a season that now has a real fear factor.

Newcastle 0 Everton 1 – Monday 2 November 2026 8pm

Match Stats

Goals:

Newcastle United:

Ramsey red card 98

Everton:

Barry 49

Possession was Newcastle 52% Everton 48%

Total shots were Newcastle 17 Everton 16

Shots on target were Newcastle 2 Everton 5

Corners were Newcastle 4 Everton 5

Touches in the opposition box Newcastle 28 Everton 30

Newcastle United team v Everton:

Hornicek, Dedic (Toure 87), Schar, Burn, Hall, Gonzalez (Steur 64), Joelinton (Ramsey 75), Willock (Wissa 64), Barnes, Elanga (Murphy 76), Osula

Unused subs:

Pope, Botman, Bamba, Thiaw