The then-England captain poses for photos at his namesake academy’s launch, and he slings his arms around two fresh-faced youngsters in the inaugural squad. Fast forward to 2026, and those two fresh-faced youngsters are the luminaries of this year’s Ballon d’Or ceremony: Harry and Kate Kane stand together on the red carpet outside the Palladium Theatre, about to share football’s most vaunted award - and they’ve landed there through a decades-long partnership of hard graft.

The charm of our current England Captain is that he remained a thoroughly decent bloke through his journey to football’s highest individual honour. We all know the legend: the great Harry Kane, who was initially turned away from football clubs for being “chubby” and “not naturally talented”, but went on to win the nation’s heart by honing his craft and ascending to record-breaking heights - and he did it without succumbing to the often prurient lows of fame and wealth. By his own admission, Kate Kane played an important role in that process: whether it was through Harry routinely kissing his wedding ring after scoring goals or directly dedicating his Ballon d’Or award to his wife, the couple’s successes are clearly grounded in a solid partnership. It’s the type of functional romance we all secretly yearn for.

But somewhere along the line, physical perfection became more important to some people than the good character which defines the Kanes’ success.

“Ballon D’Or, Schmallon D’Or - at the end of the day Kane is going home tonight and getting into bed with a tub of lard”, said one tweet.

“This type of girl is a good stepping stone at the start of your career, but when you’re one of the world’s elite footballers, you can’t be bringing a girl like that to a Ballon D’Or ceremony”, said another.

“What if the key to success is that your wife is fat?”

Thousands upon thousands of tweets, all deriding the Kanes’ success because it’s not furnished with a “correct”-looking WAG. But this goes far beyond the glamorous WAG culture which came to define footballers’ success in the nineties and noughties - and the culprit is so painfully obvious it barely warrants saying.

It’s not news that we all occupy a particularly unkind era of modern life, where vicious beauty standards drive influencers to literally hit themselves in the face with hammers. It’s not news that loneliness drives men to take direction from online commentators, who use rented supercars as a means to justify degrading women.

These are people who would genuinely rather see Harry Kane become a prurient figure, someone who would discard his life partner for an accessory who might photograph better on the red carpet. Never mind the solid character that led the Kanes to that very red carpet. Clearly, making history and simultaneously being a good husband, father and Captain means nothing to this sorry lot.

The Kanes are a couple we should laud as a modern-day ideal. Yes, not every partnership is going to end in a red carpet ceremony celebrating your brilliance - but in this era marked by loneliness, is it really such a bad thing to work toward a bond where you graft together and share in each other’s successes?

And let’s be honest, there’s not exactly a Ballon d’Or award for being football’s hottest couple, is there?

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Rose Morelli is a producer at LBC.

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