The rise of Jobe Bellingham to the England squad will have left one journalist devastated, if his treatment of brother Jude is any indication.

And Jamie Carragher continues to fight the good fight.

Bow down
A stunning paragraph from the Daily Mail‘s Craig Hope on Amar Dedic strolling around Tyneside with a bow and arrow:

‘Daily Mail Sport understands he will not face disciplinary action from Newcastle over the incident, although there is a feeling that the player was naive to believe he could walk around the countryside carrying such weaponry.’

It does feel like a slight miscalculation his part, doesn’t it?

Anyway, has Hope taken an AI slop image of Dedic as an archer with Mark Gillespie and Paul Dummett in his X replies as a YouTube thumbnail which still features his daft face in the corner? Of course he has.

By Jobe
Actually, speaking of Craig Hope, has anyone checked on him today? It seems unlikely he has taken the England squad reveal well, what with two members of ‘hostile Team Bellingham’ making the cut now.

That’s two interview options ruled out – at least for journalists who continue to be weird.

It does beg the question as to whether Jude can still be ‘a divisive soloist’ when his literal brother is there too. And whether there might ever be an apology for some of the absurd nonsense Hope has written and said about some of that family in the last year.

Congratulations, Jobe, on a well-earned call-up. We just hope you don’t mind being branded a “poster boy for moodiness”, “brand ambassador for petulance” or “an angry young man” at any point.

Brutal recall
All the time in the world, by the way, for the Daily Express website referring to Cole Palmer as being ‘brutally snubbed’ by Thomas Tuchel, just because he was fit for selection.

Palmer has as many red cards as goals (and it was a penalty) in his last seven Premier League appearances. He also pulled out of the last England squad to manage his load, since which time he’s missed 12 minutes of those he has been available for with Chelsea.

There’s nothing particularly ‘brutal’ about it. As underlined by the Express website publishing an accompanying ‘Has Thomas Tuchel made a mistake in snubbing Cole Palmer for England?’ poll, more than half of the respondents to which have voted ‘No’.

That’s Moore like it
This is quite the headline from – obviously – the MailOnline:

‘Why Tottenham’s ‘rock’ Jan Paul van Hecke is being compared to Bobby Moore and Stuart Pearce: ‘Releasing the beast’, a ‘Zeeland Army’ watching his every move and how high-risk passing is paying off’

Those are some quite substantial names. Not sure you actually want your £52m centre-half to be compared to a left-back but still.

The Pearce equivalence comes from NAC Breda’s ‘technical director’, which is absolutely textbook longread stuff. No problems there.

But what’s this really rather loftier Bobby Moore bit?

Oh, it’s Tony Mowbray saying “he looks like Bobby Moore out there sometimes”. More than four and a half years ago. In the Championship.

‘Has been compared to ages ago’ is admittedly not as eye-catching as ‘is being compared to’, even if it is undeniably far more accurate.

Crystal clear
Mediawatch really enjoys the concept of a match report which does not reveal the result of a match until literally the final three paragraphs.

The Sun website says ‘the pressure is mounting on Pierre Sage’ before discussing the ‘murmurs of discontent’ at Selhurst Park. There is a description of the goal scored by Hoffenheim, and two sets of ‘one user wrote on X’ social media round ups.

It is only after 14 paragraphs and almost 300 words when we get the first mention anywhere in the match report of Palace actually equalising and drawing – things obviously less important than @HodgsonEra’s thoughts to their 25 followers.

Reigning ‘champs
It is now patently clear who Manchester United must replace Michael Carrick with immediately. On the evidence of this Sun website paragraph, before the Aston Villa game this weekend would be best:

‘He also has a small working knowledge of English football after spending a season with Chelsea at the end of his playing career in 1999-2000.’

Didier Deschamps definitely Knows The League after making 33 domestic appearances for Gianluca Vialli and Ken Bates’ Chelsea in his solitary season as a player or manager in England 26 years ago.

Sorry, Michael, but there’s little you can do up against that sort of ‘small working knowledge of English football’.

Carra on
The Daily Mirror website displays a really charming (and probably wilful, if we’re being honest) misunderstanding of the Jamie Carragher v Aston Villa drama here:

‘”IT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE!” Carragher doubles down on claims Man Utd are a bigger club that Aston Villa despite legal action threats’

Ignoring the typo, the idea that Carragher is daring to fight the good fight and air those views again ‘despite legal action threats’ is great. He’s probably fine pointing out the very obvious thing – that Manchester United are a bigger club than Aston Villa – so long as he doesn’t tell fans of the latter to “f*** off” in the process.